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Previously on Jamie the Vampire Slayer - HI! I'M STUPID!

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April 18th, 2004


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04:36 pm - Previously on Jamie the Vampire Slayer
Episode 4: When Humility Comes a Knockin




Chain has a gig at the Shrapnel Room, and being the front gal for the band Jamie is geared up to go. While joey is helping her get ready (pushing her tower amp towards the front door of her daddys mantion) Jamie offers up a suggestion on how Joey can be a good roadie:

"If your really wanting to support the band I can give you a bra to through on stage during our set?"

Joey of course was all for this, so Jamie forks over one of her old black bras. Just as they are getting ready to leave the door bell rings and its Fed Ex with a package for Jamie's neglectful uncaring bastard father- who comes out of his wood paneled study to gawk at his new arrival. Its a bsut of a woman, dating back to the 17th century, a peice he plans on adding to his art gallery up stairs. Jamie tries to pretend she gives a damn in order to get his attention but it goes unnoticed. Just before he leaves he pauses and asks her
"Sweetie...are you in a band?"

"...yeah."

And then he leaves. Joey gives Jamie the "man...that sucks" look but Jamie just walks out. They arrive at the Shrapnel room and play the set, very well actually. And Dex, the guy who looks like Ryan Phillipe and who has been hitting on Jamie is there. Just as they make eye contact while she is singing the last song- and begin to share a smile- Joey throws the Bra....which lands on Jamie's head. She manages not to break in the song but quickly removes it and tosses it aside. Chain gets a serious round of applause and as they break down the set Dex approaches Jamie to spill about how amazing she is- when he is intercepted by the greatest of evils, Muffy McGee- who immediatley starts coming onto him and trying to seduce him. Joey plays his hand by slipping ice down her back and taking off, Muffy falls for it in a screaming fit of rage and bolts after him. Dex and Jamie subtly dote on one another and Dex asks if he can take her home, she of course agrees. Muffy ceases her chase and looks around for Dex...just in time for a black bra to land on her head.


As they get outside Dex begins to pop the whole "will you be my tie and wear my ribbon" thing when out of no where, and I shit you not, a NINJA falls from the freaking roof and throws Dex to the ground, then lunges at a startled and VERY FREAKINGANNOYED SLAYER. A bad ass fight breaks out which results in a dead Ninja. Before his death however, the ninja looks to jamie and very dramatically states "You'll never...stop her....from getting....the heart of the dragon..." and poof, turned into mist. Dex gets up and Jamie plays it off as if it was a Mugger that took her stuff. Dex feels bad but whatever. As they pull up outside Jamie's house Dex begins to pop the question again but his nervousness makes him a bumbling dork. Fed up Jamie throws her hands in the air.
"Gaaaaah!" and she leans over and kisses him. Dex is taken by suprise but submits- because Jamie is all hot and stuff. Anyway.


The next day Jamie reports to Leyland what happened last night, Leyland and Joey gear up into research mode. Mean while Dex finds himself taking crap from Brian White and his stupid friends, knowledgable of Muffy's crush on him.Leyland turns up that the "Ninja" WAS infact a ninja, a demon ninja. Apparently a clan of Ninja sould their souls to become demons to enhance their abilities in feudal japan. Not cool...and yet...cool. That night on Patrol Jamie lays freaking WASTE ( and I mean totally takes apart with out breaking a nail) three vamps with an Axe. A woman emerges from the mist, gaunt and spooky looking with a pleasent pretty english accent- cockney. After comparing Jamie to a pretty flower that has to be killed and promising that she will be happy to put Jamie in her grave she moves into the night leaving a baffled young goth to wonder what the hell that woman was on. She goes to Leyland at once and tells him of the encounter. Leyland sets to work researching the woman after Jamie leaves. He find out who she is rather fast. Her name is in Giles's Watcher Journal:


Drusilla.



Dex meets up with Jamie and Joey at lunch just as Muffy approaches with her cronies. She turns on all the "look I've got a tan and nice boobs" charm and asks Dex what he is doing that night.

"Well Muffy Im taking Jamie out..."

Jamie cuts in.

"Thats me. We'll probably go bolwing or something, make out for like...what do you think like half an hour?"

"Yeah something like that..."

"...Yeah like half an hour or so and play it by ear from there."

Muffy stares in a massive shock and exclaims "You wont get away with this" just as she storms off. JAMIE WINS. FATALITY.

That night Leyland tell Jamie who she is up against. Jamie couldnt give any less of a damn. She has ashed vamp after vamp why should this one be any different?

"Because she has killed a slayer."

"Not this slayer."

"...Not yet."

"Whatever. She wants to talk all psycho and evil she can. But when she wants to throw down she'll be dead so fast her leaving the body experience will be watching me brush her dust out of my hair. Tell the bitch to bring it."

Leyland fears for his slayer, she doesnt seem to accept she is really in danger. All the same more research has turned up that this heart of the dragon is one of many peices. There is the claw of the dragon, the eye of the dragon and so on. Leyland doesnt know how many peices there are but when combined they do something not good. They were hidden ages ago and no one knows where. But Leyland starts working on a theory.

Jamies Date starts with the door ringing. Thinking its Dex she goes to the door. No. ITS FRICKEN MUFFY McGEE. Who barges in and starts yammering about how they should be friends. Jamie explains she has a date with Dex soon and if Muffy would kindly leave-

"Oh DEX is going to be here?"

Just as Jamie begins to loose herself to the primal urges of doom bringing, BRIAN WHITE comes through the freaking door and starts yelling at Muffy. Jamies Dad comes out of the study and asks Jamie to keep it down as he has just started buisness with a client who is inthe next room. Jamie tries to difuse the situation when Dex arrives. Brian gets all huffy Silver Back Guerilla and stuff and begins talking smack and screaming at Muffy. Jamie has had enough. She steps between them thrusting a phone in their face.

"You got five seconds to bail, then Im callin the cops!"

The house goes dark suddenly as the power is killed.


Leyland jumps to his feet having uncovered the final clue. Apparently the Heart of the Dragon was hidden in a 17th century sculpture, a bust of a woman. Leyland shows Joey the picture- Joey freaks and dials Jamie. When the phone picks up he hears glass breaking and screaming on the other line. Leyland and Joey grab the ass kicking gear and bolt to Jamie's place.

Jamie finds herself surrounded by two of these ninja demons in the dark. All hell breaks loose. Muffy screams and runs, Brian follows in suit. Dex starts calling out for Jamie. Jamies, fearful for Dex's life screams "LOOK OUT!" and knocks Dex out cold sending him sprawling over the couch. The ninja close in. Jamie fights for her life, as the two coordinate attacks on her and slowly pound her down. Jamie cant get the upper hand, they are to quick. She is barely able to keep one step ahead of them leaving no time for counter attacks. She weaves and bends jumps and ducks, dodging just about everything they throw at her, until one grabs her and the other lays into her. Jamie breaks the hold, though she is getting bloodied up pretty badly. The front door flies open and in steps a very unhappy Watcher with an Axe. The Ninja demon never knew what killed him. TOAST. Joey screams out to jamie and tosser her an axe as well. Jamie catches it and DECIMATES the other ninja in one stroke. The gang fan out to find survivors. Jamie goes to find Muffy screaming int he kitchen "WHY IS THIS GIRL SUCH A FREAK". Leyland and Joey however find DRUSILLA looming over the unconscious form of Jamies dad in the study with broken bits of Statue all around and the Dragons Heart in her hand. She mews about how he was a bad host for falling asleep after such a generous invite. Joey whips out his cross and tells her to sod off. Dru gets unhappy and hisses, sad that they arent gonna play nice, she takes off. Jamie helps Dex who sees Jamie's bruised and bloody face and freaks. Jamie goes to her dad and throws her arms around him nears total sobbing.

An hour later Jamie is sitting on the examination table thingy in the emergency room. Dex walks in and begins to make some cute comments to cheer her up, but Jamie quiets him and puts her head on his chest. Dex strokes her hair.

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